Paths

Paths
Off we go down divergent paths
Walking ever further apart
I hang on to an image of you
Neither timely nor accurate
My connection to you is gone
Though I pretend it's just getting
Thinner like a rubberband stretched
Dreams & hopes of togetherness
Get more distant with each step
Soon I must turn from you
And find my own Heart's way

I wrote this today. I've got a poem I wrote the other day but it needs a lot of work. This one just came tumbling out, fully formed.

I read through this and my eyes cry. I am not good at the ebb and flow of life. I try to "sit" as still as I can, take up a little room, not be a bother in hopes that nothing will change. Amazingly enough, everything changes pretty constantly.

I have been writing my life story for some friends of mine. I'm up to my Junior year in high school. Even back then, my relationships (particularly, romantic) did not last very long. There was always someone more interesting than me. And, so it is now.

I have kept myself hidden for so very long--in defense of the leaving and in seeking to stop time. I wrestle with how to be attracted to those people/person who are interested in me. I seek out like a homing pigeon unavailable and avoidant people--surely, if I'm still enough, they will not leave this time--a big fantasy laid to waste every time.