Paths

Paths
Off we go down divergent paths
Walking ever further apart
I hang on to an image of you
Neither timely nor accurate
My connection to you is gone
Though I pretend it's just getting
Thinner like a rubberband stretched
Dreams & hopes of togetherness
Get more distant with each step
Soon I must turn from you
And find my own Heart's way

I wrote this today. I've got a poem I wrote the other day but it needs a lot of work. This one just came tumbling out, fully formed.

I read through this and my eyes cry. I am not good at the ebb and flow of life. I try to "sit" as still as I can, take up a little room, not be a bother in hopes that nothing will change. Amazingly enough, everything changes pretty constantly.

I have been writing my life story for some friends of mine. I'm up to my Junior year in high school. Even back then, my relationships (particularly, romantic) did not last very long. There was always someone more interesting than me. And, so it is now.

I have kept myself hidden for so very long--in defense of the leaving and in seeking to stop time. I wrestle with how to be attracted to those people/person who are interested in me. I seek out like a homing pigeon unavailable and avoidant people--surely, if I'm still enough, they will not leave this time--a big fantasy laid to waste every time.

Christian Pumpkins

This is a note from my friend Leslie here at work. I think it's very appropriate and timely--for me anyway.


Okay...I know it is not Halloween and the title of my email, Christian Pumpkins, is way wierd...but it is what came to mind when I read this morning's bible verse passage...I am reading in Galatians..I am reading a chapter each morning. Today was Chapter 2.

Gal. 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."

That made me think that we are pumpkins. We are living....the world scoops us out and carves us up and leaves us feeling pretty hopeless, misused and abused, and worthless. But that dying, carved, empty pumpkin lives again. A candle is placed inside..filling all of the pumpkin with light...and showering it's light to all the world through the holes in the pumpkin....the pumpkin lives again...for a greater purpose..not just living for and by itself...but living because of the light inside and for the purpose of shining that light on all the world.

So it is with us....all the scars and holes left in our hearts...and bodies....that doesn't matter...those are not what makes us broken...but little windows God uses to shine His light through us. We die to what we were....God loves us and takes us for His purpose and plants himself inside us like a glowing candle....He fills us up and shines through all of our holes. Isn't that cool?

And how comforting is it to think that all of my holes are not holes at all...but windows :-) beautiful carvings to be used by God. There may be something to this word we use Holy....it is possible at least that those with holes...holes that God uses to shine through....those are Holy ones...and those without any breaks at all..who've never had anything carve a chunk out of them and do not allow light to shine through...are Unholy....the very word Holy would suggest one with holes...the adjective describing one having holes, right? :-)

A little food for thought this morning.

Hope you each have a wonderful day. Thanks for letting me ramble on and share :-)

Leslie
****
My friend Leslie is a wise woman.

Beautiful Fall Day

The last 3 nights I've gone out in the backyard with Maxine before bed. The first night I stood there and raised my hands high and wide up to God. I sang Him the first verse of "Revive us Again." Then, last night I went out and did the same thing only I prayed. Tonight, I went out and prayed--with my hands held high.

(Some of you may or may not understand the significance of this. I belong to the church of Christ. We are uncomfortable "raising holy hands" to God. We are black and white thinkers and we like nice solid facts. I do love the church of Christ, bless our hearts.)

My heart has found a place to rest right here in my backyard. For those moments that I'm out there with God, I am OK. I am talking to Him. I even just listened tonight. He didn't say anything but I know He was there with me.

I've not spent much time doing this--it's been a little chilly and I started out a little unsure. Tonight, I was looking forward to my time outside with God.

I think this is a good way to meditate. I have been longing for God to fill up this empty spot I feel right in the middle of me. I think this is one way for me to get filled.

I'm including a poem today that I wrote a couple of years ago. A friend of mine was doing something that included making up your own words to that song from Sound of Music "A few of my Favorite Things." She told me about it and I thought I'd write a list of my favorite things.

I found myself going through my day picking out the best things that I liked. Pretty much these are my absolute favorite things about my life. God is good all the time.

My Very Own Personal Most Favorite Things
A wiggly dog in the morning ready to get up
Two kitty cats lazing on the patio waiting to come in
Happy emails bold in my mailbox
Hot water out of the tap
A job to go to; a house to come home to
Books in the mail, books on the shelf, books anywhere they happen to be
A big ole glass of tea with lots and lots of ice
Or a steamy cup of English breakfast with cream and sugar
Foot-tapping music and the songs of the birds
Good, good friends to learn to love
A niece and some nephews on the other end of the line
Giggles at bedtime and guffaws on surprise
Little blank books and mechanical pencils
Thoughts and ideas to witness and write
Prayers to send to Heaven and miracles coming back