Trusting God

I have been thinking to start posting articles. Practicing for writing for magazines. I want to write one at least once a week. I found this one in my files from a few years ago. It probably fall more into the personal essay realm.
Trusting God is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m still not really very good at letting Him be in control—it’s the waiting, you see.

I got the idea for publishing my articles here from a man named Keith Drury; his webpage is http://www.TuesdayColumn.com. Check it out, I really enjoyed his musings.

So anyway, here you go, my first essay/article.

I began this journey a few months ago. In October 2002 I was laid off from my job; along with five of my coworkers. Actually, this all began before even then. There had been several layoffs before I got caught and I struggled with my confidence in God through each one.

Right now, I want a job. I hate job hunting. I hate feeling like I’m running out of money. I want my problem solved. God is incredibly silent.

There is no alternative for me but to trust in God. I don’t know what to do. However, I continue to worry even though I don’t have any answers. God has the answer and still I want control. I want to know where, when, and how and I want it right now.

I interviewed—sort of—for a job today. It might be a fun job, it might not; it for sure doesn’t pay much. I may have to do it for a time until something else comes along. Sometimes, I would like for God just to say, “Here Summer, go over here to this company and talk to this person and they will give you the job that would be best for you.” He so doesn’t do that, though.

I’m scared. I’m scared of getting a hateful job not making enough money to pay my bills. I’m scared of not getting a job at all. Mostly, I’m scared that maybe God really isn’t there or that He is there but doesn’t really care.
The other day, I closed my eyes and imagined God whispering to me. I relaxed and listened. I heard Him. He said, “Summer, I love you.” And that’s my answer.

I don’t really understand how it is the answer to “Where is my job?” Somehow, though, God’s love is the answer.
Actually, I think that’s everyone’s answer to all questions. To the question, “Why do I hurt so bad?” God says, “Child, I love you.” To the question, “Why did God let this thing or that thing happen?” God says, “Child, I love you.” To the question, “Where are we going to get the money to pay the rent?” God says, “Child, I love you.”

I’ve begun to think God calls us by name and whispers over and over, “I love you.” We are particularly inept at hearing His voice—I know I am. I have a much easier time hearing the screams and yells of Satan and this world and I turn my head and close my heart to God.