Trusting God

I have been thinking to start posting articles. Practicing for writing for magazines. I want to write one at least once a week. I found this one in my files from a few years ago. It probably fall more into the personal essay realm.
Trusting God is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m still not really very good at letting Him be in control—it’s the waiting, you see.

I got the idea for publishing my articles here from a man named Keith Drury; his webpage is http://www.TuesdayColumn.com. Check it out, I really enjoyed his musings.

So anyway, here you go, my first essay/article.

I began this journey a few months ago. In October 2002 I was laid off from my job; along with five of my coworkers. Actually, this all began before even then. There had been several layoffs before I got caught and I struggled with my confidence in God through each one.

Right now, I want a job. I hate job hunting. I hate feeling like I’m running out of money. I want my problem solved. God is incredibly silent.

There is no alternative for me but to trust in God. I don’t know what to do. However, I continue to worry even though I don’t have any answers. God has the answer and still I want control. I want to know where, when, and how and I want it right now.

I interviewed—sort of—for a job today. It might be a fun job, it might not; it for sure doesn’t pay much. I may have to do it for a time until something else comes along. Sometimes, I would like for God just to say, “Here Summer, go over here to this company and talk to this person and they will give you the job that would be best for you.” He so doesn’t do that, though.

I’m scared. I’m scared of getting a hateful job not making enough money to pay my bills. I’m scared of not getting a job at all. Mostly, I’m scared that maybe God really isn’t there or that He is there but doesn’t really care.
The other day, I closed my eyes and imagined God whispering to me. I relaxed and listened. I heard Him. He said, “Summer, I love you.” And that’s my answer.

I don’t really understand how it is the answer to “Where is my job?” Somehow, though, God’s love is the answer.
Actually, I think that’s everyone’s answer to all questions. To the question, “Why do I hurt so bad?” God says, “Child, I love you.” To the question, “Why did God let this thing or that thing happen?” God says, “Child, I love you.” To the question, “Where are we going to get the money to pay the rent?” God says, “Child, I love you.”

I’ve begun to think God calls us by name and whispers over and over, “I love you.” We are particularly inept at hearing His voice—I know I am. I have a much easier time hearing the screams and yells of Satan and this world and I turn my head and close my heart to God.

A New Poem

The Ocean of Ideas

I walk into the shallow end
Thinking at first this is all there is
I take a step further in and a step further in
Ideas and images rushing my feet
Like the tide going high
Soon I know I don't have to leave the shallows
To drown in the weight of my words

Copywrite 2006 Summer Richards

Some Thoughts on Hope

'What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life.' -- Emil Brunner

'Men and women are limited not by the place of their birth, not by the color of their skin, but by the size of their hope.' -- John Johnson

'Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.' -- Pope John XXIII

'Great ideas, it has been said, come into the world as gently as doves. Perhaps, then, if we listen attentively we shall hear amid the uproar of empires and nations a faint flutter of wings, the gentle stirring of life and hope.' -- Albert Camus

After the weekend

I did not finish the weekend at The Road. I didn't much care for it. I am disappointed that it wasn't what I was hoping for but then again, I'm glad to know that I can cross that off my list of helpful things for me. I will keep on keeping on, as the old saying goes.

This week has been a little ho-hum at work anyway. Monday night my friend Kim and I took a couple of girls from church to watch the SMU women play basketball. We had a great time. If you haven't spent any time with 10-14 year old girls in a while, I encourage you to do so. Of course, you have to "let go" a little. They are silly beyond words--what great fun to be silly for a little while.

The rest of the week doesn't look to hold as much. Though, I've got group coming up and dinner at Stephanie's on Saturday night. I am hoping to get some writing in this weekend.

I started a story about Mama while on break and waiting for The Road to begin. That is another good thing that came from the weekend. I'm not sure of the title yet.

Well, enough of this for now.

Friday Before The Road

Today I am going to start The Road Adventure. I don't have a clue what's going to happen during this seminar. Some of my friends went through it and recommended I try it out--so I am. I know I am ready for some changes in me. I want to write and I want to know what I want to say in my writing. I want to reek of happiness and joy. I want to know that I am enough, right now this very minute. And I mean know in my heart--I already know in my head.

The other day I sent off my very first magazine article to a magazine. I'm waiting to hear if they want to publish it. I'm thinking again of taking that copywriting course. I feel like I am on the brink of great things--I feel like I am in the middle of great things.