Hard Weekend

This past weekend I had a hard time getting through. I know part of my struggle was I got tired and was hormonal--which always intensifies whatever is sneaking around in my heart. I've been working a lot and I must say that here in Texas we are actually living in a precursor to hell--you know that song that says "hot, hot, hot!"

Weekends are always hard for me. I spent most of my time during the weekends with my best friend. So, having to do it differently is hard. Sometimes I feel like my heart is being ripped to shreds and left inside be to try and limp along.

Personally, I am struggling with loneliness. I pray that God will comfort me. I am craving a place of comfort for my heart.

Here are some verses of comfort that I found:

Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

And

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

And


Psalm 56 (English Standard Version)
1Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;all day long an attacker oppresses me;
2my enemies trample on me all day long,for many attack me proudly.
3When I am afraid,I put my trust in you.
4In God, whose word I praise,in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.What can flesh do to me?
5All day long they injure my cause;all their thoughts are against me for evil.
6They stir up strife, they lurk;they watch my steps,as they have waited for my life.
7For their crime will they escape?In wrath cast down the peoples, O God!
8You have kept count of my tossings;put my tears in your bottle.Are they not in your book?
9Then my enemies will turn backin the day when I call.This I know, that God is for me.
10In God, whose word I praise,in the LORD, whose word I praise,
11in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.What can man do to me?
12I must perform my vows to you, O God;I will render thank offerings to you.
13For you have delivered my soul from death,yes, my feet from falling,that I may walk before God in the light of life.

I love these verses--I comfort myself with them. My most favorite is Psalms 56:8 (I bolded it) where David talks about God saving my tears in a bottle.

I was just talking to a friend yesterday after church about this verse. I can see when I get to Heaven and my turn comes to talk to God about my life and everything and He comes to me with this bottle. He spills the bottle out at my feet and says to me, "Oh my precious Summer, I am so sorry for the hurt you had to feel, please, come and rest from your journey, all is well, all is healed." And I run through that puddle with my arms opened wide, and He leans down and scoops me up and hugs me tight, and kisses me on my check and we laugh and cry together for the joy of reunion and the tears are forgotten.

I do miss my friend.

I have to trust that God will take care of me even if I don't feel it or believe it. I do have hope of resolution, at least in Heaven if not here and now.

He will heal my loneliness when I let Him. He will heal my pain, when I let Him. He will heal my anger, when I let Him. And, I think the letting Him is where He holds my hand and strengthens me while I do the work of healing, and He sends His people to put their arms around me to give me a place to rest when I am tired from the work.

I see all of this as a two way street. Two people can be in the same emotional spot. They will both be hurting at the same time but have hope and comfort to give the other that we do not feel for ourselves.

I want to encourage and strengthen myself and anyone who may be reading this. I want God to enter in and move in our hearts. We are the children of God--if we were not we would not struggle.

God is good, God is good.

August

OK. So, I haven't written much this summer. I haven't really felt like writing much at all. I have been wallowing around in depression for most of the time.

In June, my best friend and I had a falling out and our friendship has ended. I had thought that wouldn't happen but lo it did.

Needless to say, I have been anti-motivated for almost everything. I am amazed how these seemingly small changes effect the grand scheme of your life--at least of my life. I do not "roll with the flow" very easily. It's like I try to stand as still and quiet as I can so that nothing will move--nothing will change. Amazingly, things move and change whether I am the impetus or not.

Well, there's not a lot going on in my life right now. I get up and go to work. Sweat like a pig getting back in the car to drive home. I have determined that, at least this year, North Texas is actually Hell. I think that the heat and drought here should be enough to drive every person in the DFW metroplex to their knees seeking forgiveness just to avoid living in eternal Texas summer with Satan.

Last night I was looking through a catalog from Hancock's of Paducah. It's a fabric store that is out of this world. I started getting the itch to learn to quilt. So, I guess I'm going to have to get a few things together and start some place mats or something to get started.

What else? What else? I can't think of anything else fun and exciting going on--I can't even think of anything not fun and boring--so this is the end of today's post.