The Race

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

The race marked out for me.

Is all this struggle and pain that I go through part of my race? Or is it incorporated into my race as I go along? And for that matter, how am I supposed to tell where the markers are?

Right this minute, I stew and obsess. Where is God and what is He doing? Does He know my heart is crushed and does He care? When will He save me from my hell?

God has a plan for me--I know, I know. Won't He let me in on at least a little of the plan? Though, I'm not sure it'd do me much good to know. What on earth would I do with that knowledge? Already, I project my future and mourn over what I see. If I knew the reality of it I think I could not bear it.

I have a difficult time--OK, I get downright--angry to think that my weaknesses and temptations and pain and struggles are part of my "marked out race." I mean, really, what is God thinking?

And that is the question--What is God thinking? I will never know this side of Heaven. My story is greater than I know and my small little life has great cosmic consequences that I cannot see.

When I can remember my life, with all of its ills, matters and it matters how I run my race I am more comforted knowing that someone knows what my course is. It's like the little inkling of confidence you feel when you're in the bad part of town but you know your friends know where you are.

God knows where I am. He is holding my hand and catching my tears. When I cry so hard that I'm coming out of my skin, He knows and He holds me. In some kind of way my heart is comforted when I remember.

Another Update Posting

Again, not ready to write but want to keep blogger happy.

A Short Update

I haven't much to write today but began worrying that not having written anything in a couple of weeks blogger would delete me.

This weekend was good--beautiful weather. I got my yard mowed but not weed-eated. I did plant a few flowers and I have a few yet to plant. I also need to get a few more seeds in the ground.

That's about it for the moment. I'm not too inspired right now.